Thursday, May 8, 2008


Thank You...

Thanks everyone for the encouragement...

But well... we did meet afterwards but i dun think it goes well...

I'm still upset now bt i dun think he knows... n i dun think he will know coz yea~ like wat gw said, he's nt really a sensitive person ... n to ling... last time i did mention how i feel n wat i want him to do. Bt he told me, (something like tis) he dun understand why he has to 'pacify' me whenever we quarrel n tt he dun understand y would i react so strongly n stuff...

If u are me, will u still tell him wat u think? For me, i dun. Cos' i'm afraid he will say more hurtful things n i get even more upset. So yea... Let my words be few ba..

So anyway, at bout noon time. He msg n asked where i am n wanna meet me. So we met in Bugis. He's with the friend whom he went interview with. I knew him too. Actually, i dun understand, if u know u are in a bad note with ur gf, would u still ask ur fren to tag along? K nvm... I can understand this situation.. coz went interview n then cannot juz left him? Bt i questioned, juz go to lunch & explained the situation to him n come meet n see if we can solve things ALONE. Sigh~ say like tis, i know wat he will say,' I'm nt so selfish n unfriendly.'

Anyway, i dun think i want to say alot of details in this blog. Bt juz say wat i think ba. Then he called in more friends n i was like ok.. (neutral). Bt then i decided, maybe last time i get blinded by luv n never see the big picture. So i decided to stay quiet n nt participate much n see wat he will do. Will he talk to me? Hold my hand? The ans is no. In fact, he talk to his friends merrily & ignore me 99% of the time. So it got me thinking, is it cos i appear to be too dao? Bt is this an excuse, to ignore me? Then meet me for wat? Kinda realized, when i was in luv n happy with him, i never realized he really treat his friends much better. He spoke to them seriously 75% of the time, laughed n joke alot with them,probably prefer to meet them over me. Dun get me wrong, i am not jealous. I juz feel enlightened. Bt nevertheless, it is always sad to see the truth.

So we went to the movie. So i decided, maybe i appear unfriendly to him, tt's why he react like tis. So i took the 1st move, by holding his hand (he didnt refused) bt he juz keep looking at the screen. So i stared at him n he turned his head n said,'zou she me'. To tell the truth, i was stunned for a min. That time, my heart really breaks. Feel super sad...

Think the tears i dropped for him, can filled up a whole pail le... Haha~ *trying to be funny*

I think maybe i beginning to sink into depression le. Cos i dropped tears w/o knowing it! Someone once told me tt, if u start doing so, it's sign of depression. Not only cos of him, but also coz of my brother. I dun understand, why is it so hard for me to have a good r/s. My family is almost broken cos of my bro. Now my r/s too. I listened to the friend's gf telling us tt she'll be going holiday with her family of 20 members n later another friend also saying he will be going holiday with his family. I feel so super sad... I want to go back to the life where my family once was. I want to be able to go holiday with them together. Bt i guess, it is never possible, again.

Thinking of tt, it reminds me of my r/s. Why are guys like tt? This is my 1st r/s n i really dunno wat has happened. Is it cos i am too demanding? Is it cos i am too sensitive? Is it cos i am too stubborn (yea i think i am to a certain extent, cos i will nt react immediately when he tried to be kind). Bt i think gals are like tt. They want guys to put in more efforts before they will give way. Bt unfortunately, my bf dunno tt....

So i guess, tml will be a sad day for me. It's raining now. I feel even sadder... Let the sky cry with me ba~ But the ironic thing is, why am i being sad, unhappy n thinking so much when the person i cried for, dont even know or understand? He will still be very happy tml with his frens.

Thinking, 'aiya... she's jus been crazy, unreasonable, childish again. Also, she must be thinking guys should always be the one who make the 1st move, which is ridiculous. Cant she make the 1st move?' If so, i dunno hw to react le wor. Make the 1st move? I did n wat do i get? Or is it cos u need more efforts? Nevertheless, i am still a gal n u r a guy... Yea....

*It's ok. I will still initiate to sms him to say thank you for sending me bak home
(it's really a long way.. cos today he's nt driving...) kind of him to do so... *

Posted by *+* xiAo mIn *+* at 10:56 PM